Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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