You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
