I hope mine doesn't look like that
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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