I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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