do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
