Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize