so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
