i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
