The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize