The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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