I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
