mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
