I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
