Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
