I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
