I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
