how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
