well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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