I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
