God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
