In the future we'll all be gay
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
