I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
