i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize