I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
