Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
