I must be too annoying 4 u.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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