there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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