Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
