take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
