weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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