Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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