Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
