I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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