if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
