I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
