btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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