I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
