this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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