I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
