why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
