I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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