I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
