i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
