the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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