it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize