I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I seem to have left my pride at pride
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
