Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
