Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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