i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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