Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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