i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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