Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
