His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
