The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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