i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
