i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
