So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
