There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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