I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
