Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
