He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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