It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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