1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
