I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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