Do you still have your period?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize