I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we're making bets on your personal life
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
