i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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