I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Randomize
